Friday, April 13, 2012
30 Day Challenge- Day 13 The D Word
I had known since M moved into the Florida Reserves that deployment would happen eventually. But it was always talked about as a long off in the distance type of thing. I knew his unit had only been back from their last deployment for a little while and that it would still be another year or two before they started training to deploy again. Ha! Of course the Army had to change that and shake our little world up.
I don't remember the actual date, but I remember the conversation. I want to say it was sometime in February. I was already home, it was a bright, beautiful Florida day. I had the windows and doors open. M came home and for some reason we started talking in the entrance way. He said he had some news. I generally don't like when conversations start that way. He said he had spoken to his CO and that the unit that was supposed to deploy couldn't for some reason and his was called up. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I thought "oh crap, well at least we have about a year to get ready for this". Then my world came crashing down around me. He then told me that they would be deploying sometime in the fall. I couldn't believe it! That left like no time at all!!!! What I remember most about that conversation was Little L was playing in the living room, M was lying on his stomach and I was sitting cross legged next to him in the doorway. It took everything I had to not break down at that moment. All I kept thinking was, you just got home from BOLC (which really it had been a couple of months, but it felt like he just got home). Then I started thinking about everything he would miss with Little L and the summer we were going to miss spending together, again. Then the thoughts of what his job entails crept into my mind and sent me into panic mode. I'm not sure if he knew I was panicking on the inside or not, but I was FREAKING out. That was when I told him I didn't want to try to get pregnant until he came back home (as you guys can see, that didn't happen) that I didn't want to go through the pregnancy and labor without him, I didn't think I could handle it.
Of course we all know the Army and that nothing is ever written in stone, and his unit's deployment date got moved up two more times. Each time it was like getting the wind knocked out of me all over again. Thinking we were losing more and more time to spend together as a family. Not to mention all of the training he had to get in before they left. Our time dwindled to days and weeks instead of months.
I obviously came to the conclusion there was nothing I could do and he was going so I had better get used to it and support him the best way I knew how. I'm sure I wasn't always the best at not breaking down, or the best at not complaining, but I did try. I knew this wasn't easy on him either, but it was something that had to be done.
Now over a year later from that conversation, I can still picture us sitting there. I don't remember everything said, but I remember the feelings that ran through me that day and night. The D word had finally crept its way into our household. And we are surviving it.
I am so proud to call him my husband. I know him being away isn't easy on him, just like it's not easy on me or Little L, but we are strong, our marriage is strong and we will survive this deployment. This is one year out of the many we will have together, and I can't imagine being with anyone else. He is the cheese to my macaroni. :)