Wednesday, April 11, 2012
30 Day Challenge- Day 11 The Day I found out I was pregnant again/miscarriage
I missed my period shortly after my birthday in November. I was really excited but wanted to wait to tell anyone until we were past the point of a miscarriage. M thought that was silly because I didn't have any issues with Little L, and he was SOOOOO excited!!! I think he told anyone that would listen. It was cute watching him, getting to share in the excitement of a planned pregnancy.
However, that all changed around the beginning of December. I woke up one morning and had some spotting. I didn't think much of it at first, then it got a little heavier. We talked about it and decided to call my OB about it. We went in and he sent us to get an ultrasound. We went and did this, of course the ultra sound techs don't tell you anything, which made the waiting So Much Worse! We got the results that day, there was no heart beat, but the doc said my dates could be off and it hadn't developed a heart beat yet. So I was told to take it easy. That Saturday we had a Christmas event at the Elks Club where M's dad is a member. I was instructed to sit in my seat the whole time, and I followed directions for the most part. :)
The next day was the worst day ever. That was the day I miscarried. Both boys were taking a nap when it happened and I had to wake M up. I have never felt so hollow or empty before in my life as I did at that moment. I felt like a failure. I was really upset about this for some time. It was one of my worst fears come true. Thank goodness I am married to the amazing man that I am. He was completely 110% there for me during this time (as he always is). He helped me to see that this wasn't the baby for us and that probably there was something wrong with it, which is why it didn't develop. I knew that, but hearing someone else say it and brought that thought from the back of my mind to the front helped.
Every time I think about that day, those same feelings come bubbling up inside of me. It was a very dark and sad day. I am so thankful for the two healthy kids that I have. I am also so thankful for my amazing husband and his support during this time.